Friends with Benefits are Neither!

Friends With Benefits are Neither

Friends with BenefitsFriends with benefits. The best thing since bread and butter, right? You get the best of both worlds—intimacy and pleasure without having to be tied down or emotionally involved. After all, who wants all the baggage that come with relationships?

This line of reasoning might seem to make a lot of sense to some, but deep in our hearts, we know that we were made for something deeper… true love!  Our hearts and bodies weren’t made for multiple sexual partners.

Friends with benefits is the opposite of love. Pleasure, without caring for the other person or for their soul is selfishness, even if both are consenting. The irony is that “friends with benefits” is neither. They are not friends and the things they are doing are not beneficial in any way, but destructive.

So, what’s wrong with having friends with benefits?

First, friends with benefits, or hooking up in general, is extremely shallow and does not prepare a person to find lasting love, nor to be a good lover. In addition, how does it train them in faithfulness or discipline? These are two things that are indispensable for a successful marriage.

Second, there are some who think they can explore sexually now and then get serious and settle down in marriage. But, it doesn’t work that way. In reality, a prosperous marriage is a result of proper preparing and choices made. Good habits and virtues will yield a good marriage, while a life of selfishness without sacrifice or discipline is a recipe for divorce.

Third, friends with benefits, or any sexual activity before marriage, is the opposite of true love and of God’s perfect and beautiful design. Why should we settle for something shallow and animalistic when God calls us to something so much higher, so much more powerful?  Why settle for less the true love?

Fourth, being sexually active before marriage demonstrates a lack of understanding in regard to the one’s body and one’s dignity—not to mention all of the mental, emotional, and sexual baggage picked up along the way.

The body and mind release powerful chemicals during sexual arousal, such as oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin, for example, bonds two people together; it is designed to act as a superglue between a husband and wife in marriage. However, people who are sexually active before marriage unknowingly lose its bonding power before they even arrive at the altar.

Imagine putting a long piece of tape on your arm, rubbing it in, and then ripping it off. It will hurt a lot and rip your arm hairs out. Repeat. Repeat several times. Eventually, it will not hurt, and there will be no stickiness left to speak of. The same results with pre-marital sexual activity. As stated above, neither our bodies nor our emotions were designed for multiple sexual partners; the more we give ourselves away cheaply, the more problems will surface in our marriage, including, major intimacy issues.

God knows what He’s doing! He made our bodies and understands their deepest workings. Consequently, friends with benefits and hooking up will shoot your future marriage in the foot. People who are sexually active before marriage are not holding out for Mr. or Mrs. Right; rather, they seem to be saying that, “I’m not worth waiting for, and neither are you.” How sad!

Perhaps you have messed up in the past and would like to start over. You can.  Here are some ways to start again and find the love you’re looking for…

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About Bryan Mercier

Bryan Mercier is a thirty-eight year old speaker and retreat leader. He has spoken to adults and teens for the last fifteen years on a wide variety of topics; ranging from catechetics and faith formation, to morality, spirituality, and apologetics. He has spoken at youth and adult retreats, workshops, seminars, Catholic schools, parish missions, local, regional and national conferences. He has spoken in front of crowds ranging from thirty to three-thousand and has been aired on both TV and radio in different states. Bryan also runs the R.O.C.K. (Revival Of Catholic Kids) Ministry Team that puts on all-day retreats for teens. He is going for his Masters in theology and working on writing numerous books and tracts.
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